Riddles are fun distractions from our daily life that are immensely enjoyable to read and tell, especially if you already know all the answers.
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Whether you are on a road trip, on the chilling couch at a party, or a family event with a cultured (read dirty-minded) family relative, riddles are a past time every adult can get in on and enjoy.
Stump all your friends with these dirty-minded riddles with answers that will prove once and for all who has the most tainted mind among your friends and see how dirty they are by how many they get on their first try.
A score of 10 or more means your mind belongs on this list!
- Why do women hate the sight of quarters?
- What is the three-letter word that ends with x, starts with s, and contains one vowel?
- What gets bigger when someone blows, and the faster you apply the proper technique, the bigger it gets.
- If I were any longer and harder, people wouldn’t be able to afford me. After their time with me, people feel greatly relieved. What am I?
- I live on a peak that is sometimes pointy when cold, and I can be large or small. What am I?
- I get wetter when you use me but am harder when I am dry. What am I?
- I go in your mouth for short periods of time before coming out again. I work best when I am wet and can be painful when I am dry. I put a healthy smile on your face after I am done, and learning how to use me with good technique will improve your complexion. What am I?
- Cows usually have four of these, but women typically are seen with two. What is this thing?
Dirty Trivia Questions
These dirty riddles are sure to stump whoever you ask.
- What drives women crazy that men keep in their pockets that women will long to keep their hands-on and love to see it entirely spent?
- I am a four-letter word synonym for intercourse, and I end with “k.” What am I?
- What is best used in your mouth, on average 6 inches long, and vibrates?
- You play with me every night in bed, sometimes several times during the day. I am more fun when turned on, but playing with me is discouraged when people are around. I can run hot when games get intense, and sometimes people will look at me for hours on end. What am I?
- Someone who has this thing that starts with a “V” can use this to get what they want. It can be very attractive to people even from the other room. People can recognize one once they have only encountered it once. What is it?
- What goes up slowly, goes back down slowly, and gets lighter after it relinquishes a load?
- I can be painful, and sometimes people don’t like how I fill holes, but I have significant health benefits. I usually wear protection when things get serious, and I will demand that you spit and not swallow. What am I?
- What is something people keep in their pants that their partners love to blow?
- What is something some people find gross that dogs will do that you can step in?
- What is something that you sneak into a movie theater that starts with the letter “p” and ends with “orn” that the theater staff hates cleaning up afterward?
- What is a four-letter word starting with “f” and ending with “k” that you will have to use your hands sadly if no one gives it to you?
Dirty Minded Riddles
These dirty riddles are some of the most esoteric; put your thinking cap on to solve these ones!
- What is something all your friends do, but you hate if your parent starts doing it too?
- I get longer when I am stretched; I fit nicely between a pair of breasts while fitting nicely into a hole. People who are not experienced can sometimes be choked by me, and a strong jerking motion is the best way to start using me. What am I?
- When using me, you should keep tissues nearby. All men typically have one. Each one ranges in size and shape, and when they are large, people really take notice. They feel great when blown but can make a mess when they start to drip. What am I?
- What begins with “P” that men typically have, responds to stimulation by getting bigger, and generally is the biggest at night in the dark?
- I am a white sticky substance that can spill out of your mouth. People will generally spit me out rather than swallow me. I usually am found when other oral devices are used; after you are done using me, you will have a fresh and relaxed smile. What am I?
- I am on your pants, on your shirts, and sometimes on your forehead. People who have lots of me are very experienced, but people hate when I show up under their eyes. What am I?
- People find me hairy on the outside but creamy and soft on the inside. I can be hard to find if you aren’t experienced. I can be found in salty places. I start with a “c” and end with a “t.”
- What comes with a quiver, is stiff, has a shaft, and a tip designed to penetrate?
Dirty Minds Game Questions
Stumped anyone yet? No? Whoever you are playing dirty riddles with must be a mad genius at being dirty-minded.
These dirty riddles are the hardest ones we could come up with; use them wisely.
- It’s hard to enjoy me without spreading me. What am I?
- Women love to show off theirs to other women. They come in many different colors and sizes. With a strap on them, they can’t be very versatile. It is a five-letter word starting with “P.” What is it?
- This is in men’s pants but rarely on a long dress. What is it?
- What is something that goes into your mouth hard, but when you spit it out, it is much softer? Blowing on it makes it bigger, and blowing on it too much can cause a mess on your face. What is it?
- I have cum in me and am long and hard. Many people enjoy me as a healthy snack. What am I?
- This is something you stick poles inside. This will get wet before you do if you use it properly. What is it?
- This is something used to help with erections. You can see giant balls hanging from it occasionally, and when it swings them, it is mesmerizing to look at. What is it?
- This is something that likes briefs, and an essential part of it is its ability as a cunning linguist. What is it?
- Used for protection, this is something that you use your hand to get off. People can find it hard to feel properly when this is being worn. What is it?
- People consider me the most beloved nudist colony member; why am I so popular with that crowd?
- Everyone stretches the length of me as much as they can; however, I am short on average. I keep people glued to their smartphones for hours at a time because people like to look at me. What am I?
- What is something that has a finger inside it, and playing with it relieves boredom?
- I am longer and harder when I am younger but smaller and softer when I am older. I really heat up when I get turned on, and I can make a mess if you aren’t careful. What am I?
- I am a body part that people love to put into a yummy pie. What am I?
- What is something that makes the news every time it comes? Sometimes it can hit your bush when its aim is off? People like to use it in the kitchen often after breakfast.
- This is something you use your hand to whack off, and people get more afraid of it the bigger it is. What is it?
- I am something that people move their hands up and down quite frequently. I am longer and harder than most people’s fingers; what am I?
- I am best used when wet, and I get wetter when the atmosphere turns steamy; what am I?
- People use me to hold their buns, and I can leave a red mark if I have you too tight on your skin. What am I?
- What is something that can be very small but holes love them regardless? They are very hard to the touch and not easy to replace.
- People remember me fondly as the best part of their date. I love to have fingers put in me, and three fingers are my favorite. What am I?
- What is something that people call a hump, and women have me when their pants are too tight?
- I am a fruit that virgins crave. People describe me as being particularly sweet and succulent. What am I?
- This is something that is sometimes long but can be short, and people love to eat it. Don’t squeeze this too much, or it will start to ooze, and it has some great health benefits once it is consumed.
- What is the difference between what men have inside their pants and what women have in their pants?
- I am soft but can be very hard. I am warm and can be long or short. People love when I drop my load, and they have to wipe it up afterward. What am I?
- I can be painted; I am often dirty but can be cleaned. People who use me a lot will have rough ones, but I can be pretty soft and delicate. People will rub me against others like me or slap me. What am I?
- Where do horny people, sex workers, and people filled with lust go before going to the gym?
- What do virgin forests and virgin vaginas have in common?
- I am a virgin that cannot drown. What am I?
- I am a word that begins with “F,” ends with “CK,” and always shows up with things get hot and heavy?
- I am classified as a nut, but not in the literal sense. I am sticky and sometimes creamy, and people love to lick me off their fingers. I go great on everything, and adventurous people put me on their meat. What am I?
- What does Santa bring to a horny person who makes the naughty list?
- What does a penis, asshole, celery, cucumber, eggplant, sex, and an early morning all have in common?