Ah, Christmas. They say it’s the most wonderful time of the year. Gifts, festivities, and a butt load of great food – who wouldn’t want to revel in the promise of joy that the Christmas season brings? Needless to say, this time of year gives most people the reason to spend time with family, friends, and the people that matter the most. So get-togethers and parties are standard fare when it comes to Christmas.
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As you take part in the holiday cheer, you might find yourself in a position to spark conversation with old friends and family that you haven’t seen in a while. But what’s the perfect way to get ball rolling? With a witty pun of course. A funny Christmas pun can brighten up the room, loosen up the nerves, and bring you closer to family and friends by giving you the perfect opening salvo for a long, meaningful, laughter-filled conversation. But that’s not all they’re good for.
Funny Christmas puns can be a fun and interesting way to get likes on your socials, adding a touch of comic relief to an otherwise emotional and heartfelt photo. So if you really want to bump up that Instagram post’s engagement, then you might want to consider using a funny Christmas pun to go with it.
The only question now is – what are some of the best Christmas puns out there? If you’re in search for a witty one-liner to pack along for the holidays, we’ve got you covered. Our complete list of the funniest Christmas puns, one-liners, and jokes should give you all the ammunition you need for this holiday season and many more down the line.
Funny Christmas Puns and One-Liners
There’s a lot of fun to be had with sharing a few funny one-liners with good friends and family over a steaming holiday meal. Christmas puns exercise how well you know your words, and just how good you are at weaving them together to come up with an entertaining phrase that changes their meanings entirely. But if you’re having a tough time thinking of a clever play on words yourself, we’ve got you covered. Here are some of the most hilarious one-liners and Christmas puns that yule have a blast sharing with friends.
- There are three phrases that sum up Christmas: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries Not Included.
- You came, you ate, now please just go HO HO HOME.
- Where my ho ho ho’s at?
- Asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas and she told me nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace. So I gave her nothing.
- All the jingle ladies, put your hands up!
- Bust out the booze and the reinbeers.
- The three phases of man – he believes in Santa Claus, he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.
- I bought my son a refrigerator for Christmas – I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
- Break out the tape and the fancy ribbons – it’s time for a wrap battle!
- The main reason why Santa is so jolly all the time is because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
- Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
- The moment you stop believing in Santa is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.
- You don’t like these puns? They literally sleighed everyone at work.
- I’ve got a bad case of resting Grinch face.
- There’s nothing I want more this Christmas than your presents.
- This Christmas feast is so massive, I’m holding on for my deer life.
- Do you think that’s the worst of it? There’s myrrh.
- Sleigh my name, sleigh my name.
- Yule be sorry if you don’t attend my Christmas party this year.
- Nobody touch the roast – I’ll have the final sleigh.
- This fire is so cozy, the snuggle is real.
- Line up, kids, cause I’m about to make it rein.
- With family and friends gathered around, I’m feeling a little extra Santa-mental.
- I’m a rebel without a Claus.
- I wanted to Spruce things up this year, so I bought a bigger tree.
- All this holiday cheer has me feeling pine.
- Birch better have my presents.
- I’m feeling the holiday cheer fir sure.
- Line up to get your food – you snow the drill.
- That sly smile on your face has me thinking you’re up to snow good.
- This weather is so chilly, it’s snow joke.
- I hate to have the last laugh but I told you snow.
- The food isn’t ready yet? Oh, say it ain’t snow.
- Snow thanks, I’ve had enough roast for one night.
- You look so beautiful this evening. I only have ice for you.
- I didn’t think this party would be such a drag, I’m snow bored.
- It takes one to snow one.
- Icy what you did there.
- Everyone’s here and dinner’s not even half ready. This is snow laughing matter!
- I think this is the perfect time to take an elfie.
- It’s literally the season of giving – don’t be elfish.
- It’s the only time of the year when we can all get elf-ed up and no one would give an elf.
- Have your elf a merry little Christmas.
- Those Christmas tree decorations look treemendous!
- There really is snow place like home.
- The tree isn’t the only thing getting lit – it’s the most wine-derful time of the year, after all.
- All I want for Christmas is ewe.
- Treat yo’ elf.
- I fought to use my vacation leaves for the holidays because I promised my family I’d be gnome for Christmas.
- I’ve been pining to see you all year!
- Don’t like my holiday puns? That’s a little Rude-olph of you.
Funny Christmas Jokes
Let’s face it – we’ve all laughed at a well-woven dad joke once or twice in the past. Although you might say that the puns in most dad jokes call for eye rolling instead of a hearty chuckle, there are some out there that can be great for lighting up a room. If you’re expecting loads of family and friends at your upcoming holiday parties, make sure you’re ready to bump up the holiday cheer. These funny Christmas jokes can be a great way to spark conversation and keep your friends laughing for hours into the night.
- What do you call a holiday gift when it dies?The Ghost of Christmas Present.
- Why doesn’t Santa need to put his elves through training?They’re elf-taught.
- How do you know that Santa is an expert at karate?He has a black belt.
- Why does Santa always have to cheer his helpers on?Because they have low elf-esteem.
- What do you call an old snowman?Water.
- What did one Christmas tree say to the other?You’ve got a lot of balls walking in here dressed like that.
- What’s covered in tinsel and goes ribbit-ribbit?A mistle-toad.
- How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet?Just 25, cause there’s Noel.
- What do reindeers use to decorate their Christmas trees?Hornaments.
- What did classical musicians do to prepare for the holidays?They went Christmas Chopin.
- How does Darth Vader like his Christmas roast?A little on the dark side.
- What is Santa’s nationality?North Polish.
- What do you call Santa once he’s done giving gifts to everyone?St. Nickel-less.
- Why does Santa prefer going down the chimney instead of through doors or windows?Because it soots him.
- What comes falling through the sky on a cloudy Christmas evening?Rein, deer.
- What’s the difference between Santa and a Knight?One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh.
- What do you get an elf that’s just not feeling his best?An elf-help book.
- What was Santa’s favorite subject back in high school?Chemistree.
- Did you hear about the group of reindeer that got apprehended?Yeah, I herd.
- What’s the best way to snap memories on Christmas day?With a Pole-aroid camera.
- What did Adam tell his wife on the night before the first Christmas?It’s Christmas, Eve.
- What do you call someone with a fear of Santa Claus?Claustrophobic
- To make sure he doesn’t spread germs from house to house, what does Santa use every time he finishes delivering presents?Santa-tizer.
- Where does Santa stay when he’s done delivering gifts?A ho-tel.
- What’s the best way to get a puppy for Christmas?Ask for a little brother.
- Why aren’t you allowed to eat all the Christmas decorations?You might get tinsel-it is.
- What’s the best selling breakfast cereal in the North Pole?Snow Flakes.
- What did the pediatrician say when she checked on Jesus in his manger?He’s in stable condition.
- When it isn’t Christmas, what do the elves do for a living?They pole dance.
- What did Santa say whenever someone would ask if his workshop was for rent?For lease, Navidad!
- Why does everyone love Jack Frost?Because he’s cool.
- What did one Christmas light answer when the other asked him if he worked over the holidays?On and off.
- Why doesn’t Santa have any kids?Because he only comes once a year.
- If an unopened gift is called a Christmas Present, what do you call it when it’s opened?Christmas Past.
- Why didn’t Johnny like eating broken candy canes?He preferred the ones that were in mint condition.
- Why did the holiday roast put a smile on everyone’s face?‘Tis the seasoning to be jolly.
- Why is it easy to know when Santa is in your home?Because you can sense his presents.
- What’s the best gift you can get for Christmas?A broken drum – you can’t beat it.
- Christmas is just like the office – you do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit for it.
- What kind of motorbike does Santa use?A Holly Davidson!
- Why did little Mike’s grades drop after the holidays?Because everything is marked down.
- Why was Santa told to stop entering homes through chimneys this year?Because the Elf and Safety Commission declared it unsafe.
- I am the Ghost of Christmas Future Perfect Subjunctive: I will present to you what would have happened were you not to have changed the way you live!
- What’s red then white then red then white then red then white?Santa rolling off of your roof.
- What’s red and white and black all over?Santa Claus after he comes down the chimney.
- A Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said, “It’s going to rain.” His wife asked, “How do you know?”He replied, “Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
- What did St. Nick name his pet cat?Santa Claws.
- What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?Snow balls.
- What does Santa do when he has to put Netflix on hold to replenish his milk and cookies?He presses Santa pause.
- What’s the first thing they teach little elves at elf school?The elf-abet.
- What do you call a snowman in the summer time?A puddle.
- What do you call Santa when he falls off his sleigh?An ambulance.
- Why are Dasher and Dancer always taking coffee breaks when they work the sleigh?Because they’re Santa’s Star-Bucks.
- How do you slow down a fast reindeer?Don’t feed it.
- Where do you find reindeer?Depends where you leave them.
- Where does Santa’s reindeer go when they lose their tails?The retail shop.
- What musician does Santa like to listen to while he makes toys in his workshop?Elf-is Presley.
- What music plays in the elves work area at the height of the holiday season?Wrap.
- Why did the woman frown at the snowman choosing carrots at the farmer’s market?Because he was picking his nose.
- What do you call a snowman who’s always at the gym?An abdominal snowman.
The Happiest of Holidays
There’s a butt load of fun to be had over the holidays, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make the celebration even merrier and brighter. Try to pack these hilarious puns and jokes to your next Christmas gathering and watch your family and friends ho, ho, ho their hearts away as you celebrate the happiest time of the year.
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